Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Will exercising make me less horny?
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