whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Randomize
