What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize