then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
