I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Randomize
