I like to think it a success when the cops are called
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
My bed smells like the plague
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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