i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
