got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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