I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
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