i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Randomize
