i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
