sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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