from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
