my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
