Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
