so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Randomize
