dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
