You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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