he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
