I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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