considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
