hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
