Can Purell be used as lube?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
