a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize