a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Randomize
