Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
