Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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