i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
