It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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