Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
what is it with giant penises always finding me
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
