Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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