I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize