it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
FUCK WHALES
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
