my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
where am i from again
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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