Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
