wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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