it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
