i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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