I think I died a long time ago.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
