I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
