i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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