Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
