he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
