and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
