That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Of course I have a pirate flag
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
