i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
