fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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