Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
