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So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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