This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
