I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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