I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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