Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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