I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
