love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
