for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
