Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
