he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
