never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
