I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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