Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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