so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I accidentally burped into my bong.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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