I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
