just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Im part way to drunk.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Randomize
