You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
