Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
