Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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