You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
