It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Sorry about my life...
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
