Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
