we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Girls should come with a carfax report
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
