I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
