you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Randomize
