Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
